


my truth is your hand in mine

by siehn



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23209960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siehn/pseuds/siehn
Summary: “Beau, you know…,” she trails off, looking uncertain for a moment before she visibly gathers herself. “You know I – we love you, right? Like you really, really know? And if you weren’t here it would be so bad, Beau; we couldn’t-“ She stops, all her words running together the way they do when she’s upset and Beau pushes herself up on one arm to look closer.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 4
Kudos: 154





	my truth is your hand in mine

**Author's Note:**

> These two give me many, many feelings and I would like them to just have a godsdamned conversation about That Deal. 
> 
> First time writing them, please be gentle I'm still trying to get the hang of their voices!

Beau groaned as the bed bounced, throwing her arm over her face and valiantly resisting the weighted stare she could feel being leveled at her from less than a foot away. It wouldn’t work, of course, because it was Jester and Beau had certain _weaknesses_ for little blue tieflings, but she tried.

“Beau~” Jester drew out the single syllable, giving it a little twist at the end and gods, even _that_ was endearing. She was so fucked.

“Hi Jes,” she replied dutifully back, peeking out tiredly from under her arm. Jester was perched on the bed beside her, her head tilted adorably, just watching Beau in that way she had that made it seem like she was seeing right through you to all the shoved-away hidden parts that should never see the light of day. Beau resists the urge to hide and lets Jester reach out and pull her arm away from her face.

“Beau, you know…,” she trails off, looking uncertain for a moment before she visibly gathers herself. “You know I – we love you, right? Like you really, really know? And if you weren’t here it would be so bad, Beau; we couldn’t-“ She stops, all her words running together the way they do when she’s upset and Beau pushes herself up on one arm to look closer. She can feel herself softening at the exhaustion she sees mirrored on Jester, the fear and the pain and _of course_ she’s caused that, _of course_ she has.

“Jes, no, hey,” she tries, reaching out with her free hand and catching one of Jester’s, holding it tight. “I’m here, I didn’t go anywhere,” she reassures her, but Jester shakes her head wildly and shifts closer, almost looming over her.

“But you _would have_. You _said –_ but I need you to _get it_ Beau,” she all but hisses, pinning their hands to the mattress beside Beau’s head. “You aren’t fucking _expendable_ to us, to me! You’re ours, and I,” and she stops again, flushing a deep purple that’s almost enough to be fuckin’ breathtaking, if Beau went in for those kinds of thoughts.

“You what,” Beau dares to ask, way too aware of the way Jester’s leaning over her, of their hands, of the emotion on Jester’s face, in her voice. She knows she should just laugh it off, apologize, say something that will make Jester sit back up, maybe smile, make that worried look in her eyes go away. Instead, she watches Jester deflate, like all the fight has gone out of her, as she stares down at Beau.

“I need you,” she whispers, like it hurts, and Beau closes her eyes against the wave that nearly drowns her. “Iloveyou,” she adds, all in one breath, like that night in the empty cloisters where they’d found Caduceus’s family and she’d told Beau she had chaos in her heart. “And I _tried_ to let it go, all this time, I did, but we never got to talk and I didn’t know if you still –“

Beau feels a thud against her shoulder and opens her eyes to blue hair and curled horns, the feel of Jester’s forehead against her skin. She lets go of Beau’s hand, and Beau flexes her fingers, brings her hand up to curl around the back of Jester’s head, running her fingers through her hair and marveling briefly at soft it is.

“I love you, too, Jes,” she sighs, staring up at the ceiling. “And I’m sorry, I didn’t,” she swallows, doesn’t look when she feels Jester turn her head to look at her. “I _don’t_ want to leave the group, or – or you. I just thought – I don’t know, I guess I thought it had gotten as good as it was gonna get, right? That it’d be easier to push all of you away than watch you leave,” and she feels stupid for even saying it, gods; they helped bring fucking _peace_ and they saved Caduceus’s family and fought off fish people for Fjord, and they fought a _Dragon Turtle_ –

“Beau,” Jester interrupts her thoughts, and Beau turns her head to find herself caught by Jester’s gaze. “For a smart person, you can be very dumb sometimes,” she tells her and Beau huffs, then snorts.

“That’s fair,” she agrees, because yeah, and she’s pretty sure _she’s_ said that to Caleb before, so. Laying there, staring at Jester as she pushes herself back up, Beau’s hand falling from the back of her head to trail down her back, there is _so much_ that Beau wants to say. She watches the way Jester shivers as her hand brushes across bare skin, and she could almost just – she _wonders_ sometimes, when she lets herself imagine.

“I just wanted you to know,” Jester tells her in that soft, earnest voice. “I know running into your family _sucked_ ,” and she looks briefly irate and Beau has to wonder if she’s been sending _messages_ again because Jester can be soft and caring and sweet, but she can also be terrifying and badass and protective. “But we’re not them; we _know_ you and I -we love you for who you are, Beau.”

Beau can’t help the smile that curls up the corners of her mouth, despite the serious look on Jester’s face. “Thanks, Jester,” she manages, trying not to sound as choked up as she feels, though the look on Jester’s face tells her she’s failing miserably at it. Jester reaches out to pat her gently on the stomach, looking soft and a little teary-eyed and unaccountably smug all at the same time, which was a very Jester way to look, in Beau’s (completely biased) opinion.

“Hey Jes,” she calls softly after she takes a moment to clear her throat from the embarrassing wobble. Jester shifts her gaze to meet Beau’s curiously, humming, and Beau thinks about ‘I need you’ and ‘I love you’ and all the ways Jester is one of the best parts of her life, and grins. “Do you have a crush on me?”

Jester blinks, then laughs, high and delighted, and flops forward onto Beau, her tail curling around Beau’s ankle as she looks up to bare her fangs at Beau in a trickster’s grin.

“In a way,” she echoes, giggling when Beau snorts out a laugh and reaches out to tug her down into a full-body hug. They stay that way, legs entangled, Jester’s head on her chest like she’s listening to Beau’s heartbeat, arms wrapped around each other like they never want to let go.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed some feelings. Feel free to come yell about them with me on twitter @inkandwolves


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